The last time my mother hit me was when I was ten years old. Her favorite weapon of choice was anything within reach she could slap my face or head with, didn’t really matter. I remember one day, that moment before she was to take me to school. I needed money for some school activity and was reminding her that I needed to turn it in that day. In a moment of out-of-body-awareness, I saw her expression change and that distinct “look” take over and I started to back away.

The first blow struck with such force I fell down. But I got back up. I looked at her and for the first time ever, I had a voice instead of tears. I put my forearm up and blocked the next blow and stated very quietly, “Don’t. Ever. Hit. Me. Again.”

My forearm still carries a small, permanent indentation from that last blow. Without it, I am not sure I would believe it happened or that it was real. That is what bullying is like. The person on the receiving end many times wonders if it is really happening and they may think that maybe it is their fault or not really that “bad.”

Flash forward to the adult world. I once had the misfortune to work with a Regional who actually yelled at me at a company-wide meeting in front of ten managers I had never met before and the CEO that I was coming to the meeting LATE. My plane (flight selected by the company; I had no choice) had been delayed for two and a half hours on the tarmac; it had taken about an hour to get my checked bag (which these days I would never do) and I had to wait another 45 minutes for the shuttle service (also mandated by the company, not allowed to cab it) so yes, I suppose I was “late.” I was also not allowed to come the night before …. This same Regional ordered me once to de-master a property immediately and when I refused due to there being no money in the budget to pay for it, I was told to do it or get fired. Then, when I did it, I was called on the carpet for it, written up for it and the CEO himself told me, “The next time you think it is okay to spend $2000 of my money to do something, you better be prepared to get out your checkbook and pay for it yourself.”

In our adult personal lives, we can choose to associate with people who help build us up and help us get our minds off our troubles and reinforce the positive feelings we have of ourselves. But what happens when you have to deal with those abusive people at work? Generally, those individuals do not resort to physical violence, but they can make a person miserable. How do you handle those who may scapegoat you at work, steal your ideas, take credit for your work product, that pick apart any idea you suggest, who exclude you from the group, who belittle your ideas and try to set you up for failure, who seemingly do everything within their power to humiliate and embarrass you? What can you do to restore your sense of dignity? When is enough, enough?

I often work with new Managers and Leasing Professionals in property management. We all bring our own baggage to the team meetings. It is up to an organization’s leaders to implement an environment of trust and support so that all team members feel encouraged to suggest new ideas for streamlining operations, marketing our communities, and completing turns. I always ask team members to perform self-evaluations and periodically examine their work product (occupancy, leases, closing strategies, cost cutting measures for turns and property maintenance.) If you are in leasing, are you filling out your Guest Cards, following up on your traffic, entering information in the computer, doing what you can to generate traffic and close leases. If you are a manager, how is occupancy? Are your collection goals being met, unit turns pristine and on time, curb appeal appealing, staffing issues resolved? Are you turning in your reports on time, meeting deadlines? If you are in maintenance, are you completing your work orders on time and right the first time? Are the grounds gleaming, no exterior maintenance issues left deferred, all turns and Make Readies done to company standards? Are you covering for on-call as scheduled and cooperating with the Office Team?

The first step in combating workplace bullies, in my opinion, is to know you are walking the walk and not just talking the talk. Be honest with yourself. No one is perfect and if you make a mistake, own it. And sometimes, there comes a point when you must take a stand.

When that CEO told me I should be prepared to take out my checkbook, I calmly looked at him and said, “Mr. H, if I thought for a minute that I was responsible for this misunderstanding, I would be whipping out my checkbook right this minute, no questions asked. However, I just endured a fifty minute rebuke with Michelle in her office and signed the write up. I signed that write up because I did indeed order the de-mastering of the property. Now, let me show you these emails. I think they will prove that I did not do this without approval by my Regional. I don’t just willy nilly spend thousands of dollars.” I had saved and printed out the emails from the Regional telling me I had until such and such time to get the properties de-mastered and be damned with the cost.

As for the issue with my being late to the company meeting, I asked the Regional whether or not I had my pilot’s license. She said she didn’t think so.

“That’s what I thought. So, I guess if I wasn’t flying the plane, then I had no control of the situation, did I?” For once, she could not argue with that or twist the truth.

Keep documentation if you are dealing with a workplace bully. Report unfair practices. Stand up for yourself and it helps to do this in the presence of a reliable witness.  Remain clam, professional, reasonable and polite in your dealings in the workplace. It helps to have both a thick skin and a good sense of humor. It helps to have a support system. But more than anything, it helps to know yourself, recognize you can be a resilient, capable employee and that truth and honesty are lifeskills no one can take away from you.