Did you ever play with dominoes? As a child, I really enjoyed setting up dominoes and then knocking them down. When I was setting them up, the big challenge was to avoid accidentally knocking one of them down, before I was finished. I remember many times watching in anger as the dominoes fell before I wanted them to. I would then have to pick up the pieces and start all over again.

Sometimes, as I was setting this up, someone else would come by and tip a domino over to start the chain reaction, and they would get a huge kick out of knowing that they ruined my plans. 

Negative chain reaction

The bad news is that our relationships can work in the same way. I have been in far too many occasions where my words and/or my actions set in motion a chain reaction that caused damage to a relationship.

Sometimes my actions were born of ignorance. We all speak different (personality, love, emotional, professional) languages don't we? I didn’t realize that what I was saying to someone had an entirely different meaning to me than to the other person.

In other occasions, I would be like the kid who knocked down the dominoes that I set up. I knew that what I was about to say or do was the wrong thing (even if I “convinced” myself that it wasn’t) and I did it anyway.

Positive chain reaction

The good news is that we can also cause a positive chain reaction! In this way you can keep the “good times” rolling by learning the different languages that people speak, by seeking to understand someone else’s point of view (especially when it runs counter to your own), and by making sure that the people in your life feel valued and cared for in the way that they would best receive it.

In addition, when your relationships run into trouble (as they all will from time to time), you can utilize the “law of dominoes” to start the process of positive changes that will benefit you and the people around you.

For example, maybe you’re not getting along with a co-worker, your supervisor or a resident. You feel that you are not the one to blame for whatever has happened, and although you don’t like the anger, tension and frustration that has been building, you decide that until the other person makes things “right”, (or changes) you will not be the one to “give in” (or change).

Sound familiar? In my study of relationships I’ve found that many eventually get stuck on this issue of; “Why should I be the one to change?” Unfortunately, most times the other person feels the same way that you do, so you end up being stuck and going nowhere.

Tipping the first one over

If our goal is to have better relationships with people, then shouldn't we do the things that will help us reach that goal? Just as the dominoes I set up wouldn't start to fall until I tipped the first one over; change in relationships won’t happen, until someone makes the decision to be the one to change. 

We all know that the multi-family industry is people driven and focused. Even on days when you'd like to hole up in your offices and ignore the world, you can't! If change will ultimately help and benefit you, isn’t it worth it to start it?  The great part about this is when the positive chain reaction starts, it will keep going!