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Erin

Erin

I worked an apartment manager for over six years in both Orange and Los Angeles Counties. I started The Apartment Manager's Blog the day I found a naked man surfing across the pool. I love nothing more than listening to, or telling, crazy tales from the stranger than fiction life of property management.

Posted by on in Apartment Marketing
  If you are wanting to leave a bad apartment review, and not quite sure how to do it, well, you've come to the right place! I am going to help you craft the best worst review the internet has ever seen. You see, there is an art to writing the worst review possible, because what goes on the internet must be both factual and informative. And if not done correctly, ski mask wearing monkeys will come after you in the middle of the night. You've been warned.  Now, follow these simple tips to help you better write that review on your current/previous horrendous apartment building.  First Only review anonymously. If you do, your landlord will NEVER, not EVER, be able to decipher who you are. Nope, not at all.    Second, Always make nonsensical comparisons.  For example: "Living here is like living in hell! The walls are thin and you can hear everything the people are saying and doing (if you catch my drift) next door." This is perfection, because now possible renters will know to stay clear, AND, that hell is really just a studio apartment where you are forced to listen to your neighbors talk and uh...I didn't catch his drift, can someone please explain what drift is?  Another example: "If you want to be completely miserable and abosultely HATE where you live, deal with miscommunication, and live in a N---- Camp, this is the place for you!" Well....sorry, I can't make light of this, this person...
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Posted by on in Property Management
Dear Apartment Manager,   I just recieved my "deposit reconciliation" in the mail, and I use quotes because I believe I am being snarky even though, in this case, the quotes make absolutely no sense. I am besieged with vexation, because I enjoy using the thesaurus, about the cleaning and trash removal charges. Apparently, you have never heard of Proposition 13, which doesn't pertain to this situation at all, but I think I will scare you with my Google legal degree, and do not understand the ramifications of unlawfully holding a security deposit. According to my lawyer, who doesn't exist, I should be returned my FULL deposit. What I left behind was not "trash", since when is a Iron Gym trash? Since when is a computer screen from 1992 and a flower pinata considered trash? And the German Phrases For Dummies, I supposed that is considered trash, and if so, then I think my pretend lawyer would be happy to know that you are a racist as well as a slumlord. It takes a lot of presumption to charge me for cleaning when I lived in that dump of an "apartment" for over a year. The paint was peeling, the bathtub was dirty when I moved in, and the conditions were almost unlivable, even though I never complained about it once during my tenancy, and I am clearly pulling stuff out of my butt at this point. I expect to be refunded the remaining balance of my deposit within the next...

Posted by on in Property Management
Dear Tenants,   The little slots on the front of the washers and dryers are for quarters only. The machines do not accept any other form of payment such as —Chuck-e-Cheese coins, buttons, metal washers, Canadian currency or gum. If you should find yourself perplexed as to whether the small round item in your hand will work— simply look at it, if George Washington is on one side, an eagle is on the other, and it says QUARTER DOLLAR across the bottom, chances are you are safe to proceed. If you are still unsure, please seek out your nearest five year old for guidance.   Rent is still due the first of every month. Not every other month, not just when you feel like it, and not only once you’ve received an eviction notice—but, every single month. Despite popular belief, expecting you to pay rent, on the apartment in which you are renting, does not make the owner a money hungry a-hole, even when you claim to have lost your job, but miraculously found the money to buy a new iPhone.    Please note that the emergency phone line is used for just that, EMERGENCIES. Dropping your contact lens down the drain is not an emergency. Your cable goes out, not my problem, and also not an emergency. It’s 2:00 a.m., and you decide to install your own bidet, but screw it up because you have no idea how to use tools—not an emergency.  If you are renting a downstairs unit,...