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The Apartment Manager's Blog

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Deposit Reconciliation

Deposit Reconciliation

Dear Apartment Manager,

 

I just recieved my "deposit reconciliation" in the mail, and I use quotes because I believe I am being snarky even though, in this case, the quotes make absolutely no sense. I am besieged with vexation, because I enjoy using the thesaurus, about the cleaning and trash removal charges. Apparently, you have never heard of Proposition 13, which doesn't pertain to this situation at all, but I think I will scare you with my Google legal degree, and do not understand the ramifications of unlawfully holding a security deposit. According to my lawyer, who doesn't exist, I should be returned my FULL deposit. What I left behind was not "trash", since when is a Iron Gym trash? Since when is a computer screen from 1992 and a flower pinata considered trash? And the German Phrases For Dummies, I supposed that is considered trash, and if so, then I think my pretend lawyer would be happy to know that you are a racist as well as a slumlord. It takes a lot of presumption to charge me for cleaning when I lived in that dump of an "apartment" for over a year. The paint was peeling, the bathtub was dirty when I moved in, and the conditions were almost unlivable, even though I never complained about it once during my tenancy, and I am clearly pulling stuff out of my butt at this point. I expect to be refunded the remaining balance of my deposit within the next 48 hours, otherwise I will be forced to see you in small claims court, even though once I get there I will realize it cost more to file a claim then what I am owed by you, and then I will probably just go get a sandwich instead.

 

Sincerely,

 

First Name, Middle initial, Last Name

 

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This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

This is brilliant. I wish I had a Google legal degree...

  Brent Williams
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Yeah, it's in their best interest to get that sandwich maybe share it with their pretend lawyer instead! Great article and I can definitely relate!

  Kelly Kichler
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

That? Was awesome!

Would it be possible for me to borrow it to put in our company newsletter (with appropriate credit, of course)? I think our managers would greatly appreciate the humor in this piece.

Thank you for sharing! :-)

  Heather
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Ha-ha! Go get a sandwich instead. This is so funny, as so truthful.

  Christine
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

*and so truthful. Gee I can tell I'm at the end of my day. ^_^;

  Christine

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