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How To Write A Bad Apartment Review

How To Write A Bad Apartment Review

How To Write A Bad Apartment Review

 

If you are wanting to leave a bad apartment review, and not quite sure how to do it, well, you've come to the right place! I am going to help you craft the best worst review the internet has ever seen. You see, there is an art to writing the worst review possible, because what goes on the internet must be both factual and informative. And if not done correctly, ski mask wearing monkeys will come after you in the middle of the night. You've been warned. 

Now, follow these simple tips to help you better write that review on your current/previous horrendous apartment building. 

First

Only review anonymously. If you do, your landlord will NEVER, not EVER, be able to decipher who you are. Nope, not at all. 

 

Second,

Always make nonsensical comparisons. 

For example:

"Living here is like living in hell! The walls are thin and you can hear everything the people are saying and doing (if you catch my drift) next door."

This is perfection, because now possible renters will know to stay clear, AND, that hell is really just a studio apartment where you are forced to listen to your neighbors talk and uh...I didn't catch his drift, can someone please explain what drift is? 

Another example:

"If you want to be completely miserable and abosultely HATE where you live, deal with miscommunication, and live in a N---- Camp, this is the place for you!"

Well....sorry, I can't make light of this, this person is an idiot. 

Moving on....

 

Third

Make sure you you ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, talk about where you would rather live. 

For example,

“I rather sleep in a homeless HIV tuberculosis ridden dump than do this again."

See what this reviewer did here? He/she, so beautiful crafted the perfect sentence showcasing both his disdain for his apartment building and his intelligence, because I am positive, if given the choice between an apartment and an HIV tuberculosis ridden dump, he would totally choose the latter.

 

Fourth

This might be the most important part, so please take careful note here. 

If you pay your rent late, were recently evicted, are about to be evicted, play your music at 2am, left your apartment trashed or received a 3/30-day notice to vacate, YOU are exactly the right person to jump on the Internet and trash away!

Good luck, have fun, and make sure to use a lot of CAPS and exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

That way readers will know that you are trustworthy. 

 

It's really the only way. 

 
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

LOVE this post! Seriously - I think your words here are golden. All of us in the property management game know that many of these reviews are over the top, blown way out of proportion, and well, you catch my drift. Erin, thank you for a little levity on the subject. There's no doubt that communities have more satisfied residents than those with an ax to grind. Teams, focus on the 99% (in some cases, 99.5%) of your residents who value living at your community and encourage them to leave reviews of what living at your community is actually like, and give the reader of these reviews credit for taking these "rants" for what they are. Thanks again Erin, I look forward to reading more from you!

  Lia Nichole Smith
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You forgot the one that says: I've lived here for 3 years and until just recently, I loved it here (after all, I keep renewing my lease). Now I hate it.

  Sandy Martin
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I like your sense of humor, but it's all very true. Your Fourth statement is totally accurate. Any bad reviews I've read about the properties that I manage were posted by people from the Fourth category! The sad thing is that when people read these reviews, they believe them! Maybe if the people are dim enough to believe those reviews, I wouldn't want to rent to them anyway.

  Lee
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I think this post was absolutely HORRIBLE!!!! I would rather read a post that made my retinas burn off and my head explode!!!!

Signed - Anonymous blog hater

  Alan Adams
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Alan, at first I was taken back. Then I got. Well played. Well played.

  Erin
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OK so why would someone lie in a review. I work in property management (and believe me I don't say that proudly. Someday when they decide to pay teachers accordingly, I will not have to work scrub jobs to supplement my income.) Having said that, I can honestly say that people who work in property management are typically mindless, shiftless, and dishonest people who will lie in a heartbeat to mask their infractions or "human error" as my boss tries to put it. I mean really, how often does human error occur. I choose to use words like lazy, dunce, inconsiderate, etc. As for this blog and the responses below, you use sarcasm as a substitution for your lack of intelligence. Go to college and get a real job!!!!!!

  Kelly
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For your information, I do have a degree, an excellent job, and my husband is a doctor. We were property managers to get through college. But I love your comment because it proves my point perfectly, people hide behind anonymous names in order to make unintelligent comments. Thank you.

  Erin
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Kelly, you posted on a site full of intelligent, honest, and considerate property management professionals. Just like any industry, there are some smaller operators who are unprofessional, but they do not represent the entire industry.

As you can see, we allow open discussions, even when they are uncomfortable topics, but we do not allow abusive posts. Your posts have definitely crossed that line, and Erin was surprisingly generous to approve those that did. Any future posts that are not respectful will simply be deleted.

  Brent Williams
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Well my comment went to moderation which means that it will not be posted because it was intelligent and truthful but at least;) Erin will have the opportunity to read it!

  Kelly
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Got it, thanks! Congratulations on your perfection. Honestly, it's people like you who I love to make fun of. Must be nice to live in a world where you never make mistakes. Maybe, you should obtain some education, and perhaps some compassion or a reality check. Either way, thanks! You can go back to scrubbing now LOL.

  Erin
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Hello Ms. Erin, or anyone who can help. I have a serious question, but first I need to explain my situation. I live on the ground floor apparent. When I moved in the management was renovating the upstairs apartments by taking out the carpeting and installing wood floors. I asked if there would be a noise problem with that. They assured me that noise from the upstairs apartment wouldn’t be a problem, because the flooring comes with sound barrier padding. They also stated that it had been installed in their other apartments without any complaints. So here is the kicker. It is not wood flooring, it is linoleum flooring that looks like wood. I spoke to one of the installer who said there is no barrier, they just glued it down on to the plywood flooring! I spoke to management about this and once again I was told not to worry, that worker was mistaken, there is a sound barrier. (Uh huh, sure there is.) Anyway, about two weeks later a young couple. They (and I’m guessing, mind you) don’t weigh more than between 125 to 145lbs each.

The move in took a few days and was absolute craziness. It sounded more akin to a rugby match. The ceiling and walls literally shook! After the move in I could still hear them as they would walk around. I thought this can’t be! I can tell you what room they are in just by following their foot falls, mostly the mans footsteps, the woman’s footsteps are much lighter than his. I can hear when they roll stuff/furniture across the floor. I have had upstairs neighbors before and only heard them if they ran or jumped but this is nuts! I am not exaggerating when I tell you I can hear just about every step they take. They drop stuff in the kitchen, like a potato (I know this because I went upstairs and asked. “Did you guys just drop a potato or and apple in the kitchen?” they responded with “potato!” When asked why I would ask such an inane question they could hardly believe it when I said I could hear a lot of things, footsteps, dropped...

Hello Ms. Erin, or anyone who can help. I have a serious question, but first I need to explain my situation. I live on the ground floor apparent. When I moved in the management was renovating the upstairs apartments by taking out the carpeting and installing wood floors. I asked if there would be a noise problem with that. They assured me that noise from the upstairs apartment wouldn’t be a problem, because the flooring comes with sound barrier padding. They also stated that it had been installed in their other apartments without any complaints. So here is the kicker. It is not wood flooring, it is linoleum flooring that looks like wood. I spoke to one of the installer who said there is no barrier, they just glued it down on to the plywood flooring! I spoke to management about this and once again I was told not to worry, that worker was mistaken, there is a sound barrier. (Uh huh, sure there is.) Anyway, about two weeks later a young couple. They (and I’m guessing, mind you) don’t weigh more than between 125 to 145lbs each.

The move in took a few days and was absolute craziness. It sounded more akin to a rugby match. The ceiling and walls literally shook! After the move in I could still hear them as they would walk around. I thought this can’t be! I can tell you what room they are in just by following their foot falls, mostly the mans footsteps, the woman’s footsteps are much lighter than his. I can hear when they roll stuff/furniture across the floor. I have had upstairs neighbors before and only heard them if they ran or jumped but this is nuts! I am not exaggerating when I tell you I can hear just about every step they take. They drop stuff in the kitchen, like a potato (I know this because I went upstairs and asked. “Did you guys just drop a potato or and apple in the kitchen?” they responded with “potato!” When asked why I would ask such an inane question they could hardly believe it when I said I could hear a lot of things, footsteps, dropped items and when they fight. I gave them a date and a time frame and they were speechless.

I talked to the property manager about this situation and was met with. “You are the only one complaining about.” “You signed a year lease.” “People who complain a lot around here don’t last long.” Wow! Really? Way to treat the customer. The message I received from all that was. So what, who cares and if you cause trouble I’ll find a way to get you out of here and still owe us the remainder of the lease plus your deposit! I’m very disappointed in the property manager to say the least. Then the manager then offers me a (Noise complaint against tenant form.) Oh yah that was just flat out insulting. Almost like they were daring me to fill it out.

My neighbors are not creating extra noise. They are simply living their lives. I have no peace in this apartment unless the upstairs tenants are out. One of them works late and does not get home until eleven at night. I get woken up three to five times a month because he is just unwinding after work. I know how it goes, been there, done that, but I didn’t have a neighbor living below me with only sheetrock, a few support beams, and linoleum covered plywood. So here is the question, (that I’m sorry took forever to get to.) Is there any way out of this other than sticking out the lease?

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  Joe
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Thank you! I know I can write a good bad review, and with your help I can make it even better! My slumlord deserves it!

  bannter
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Ok, this might not go with the theme of the blog, but I have to admit it was pretty funny.

  Brent Williams
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Sounds like you are an apartment manager who is mad that tenants can now voice their grievances online and you have absolutely no control or way to silence them.

Don't give anyone a reason to have a complaint and this wont happen. The balance has shifted from business to consumer. Deal with it.

  John
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