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Understanding the People Around You! The "Lucy Van Pelts"
Understanding the People Around You! The "Lucy Van Pelts"
I was having lunch at an Applebee’s with a friend of mine not too long ago when he said something to the waiter that absolutely mortified me and made me cringe. I was in disbelief when he said what he said and I couldn’t believe that he actually said it-and I told him so too! He simply looked at me and gave me the “So, what?” look and laughed.
I laughed too. If anything magnified the difference between our two communication styles, it was this moment at Applebee’s when the waiter asked us, “So…how was your food?”
My friend looked at the waiter and said, “I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t that impressed with this. It had no flavor. I thought it was going to be a lot better and it wasn’t.”
My friend looked at the waiter and said, “I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t that impressed with this. It had no flavor. I thought it was going to be a lot better and it wasn’t.”
To his credit the waiter apologized, made several suggestions to enhance the flavor, offered to have the chef re-season it to make it taste better, all of which my friend politely declined.
Say What You Mean
My friend is a classic Direct Communicator. Direct Communicators say what they mean and they mean what they say. With a Direct Communicator you know EXACTLY where you stand at all times. There is no ambiguity. No confusion. No grey areas. It’s all black or white.
I am NOT a Direct Communicator-which is why my internal mechanisms went crazy when my friend calmly but firmly trashed his lunch to the waiter. I can tell you that my natural tendency would NOT have been to do what my friend did-and I’ll talk more about the communication style that I have next week. (Tune in!)
Remember Lucy Van Pelt in the Peanuts comic strip? Lucy is another classic Direct Communicator. In one strip Lucy approaches Charlie Brown and asks, “Charlie Brown-do you mind if I tell you something?” Charlie Brown says, “No…go ahead.” (Why Charlie Brown, why?) Lucy responds with, “I think you’re kinda stupid.”
How’s that for direct?
Say what you want about Lucy, but you’d never have to spend a moment wondering where you stand with her!
By the way… I am not implying that all Direct Communicators are bossy or pushy like Lucy! My friend is one of the most personable, charismatic and friendly people I know-and, yes, he calls it like he sees it.
Say What You Mean
My friend is a classic Direct Communicator. Direct Communicators say what they mean and they mean what they say. With a Direct Communicator you know EXACTLY where you stand at all times. There is no ambiguity. No confusion. No grey areas. It’s all black or white.
I am NOT a Direct Communicator-which is why my internal mechanisms went crazy when my friend calmly but firmly trashed his lunch to the waiter. I can tell you that my natural tendency would NOT have been to do what my friend did-and I’ll talk more about the communication style that I have next week. (Tune in!)
Remember Lucy Van Pelt in the Peanuts comic strip? Lucy is another classic Direct Communicator. In one strip Lucy approaches Charlie Brown and asks, “Charlie Brown-do you mind if I tell you something?” Charlie Brown says, “No…go ahead.” (Why Charlie Brown, why?) Lucy responds with, “I think you’re kinda stupid.”
How’s that for direct?
Say what you want about Lucy, but you’d never have to spend a moment wondering where you stand with her!
By the way… I am not implying that all Direct Communicators are bossy or pushy like Lucy! My friend is one of the most personable, charismatic and friendly people I know-and, yes, he calls it like he sees it.
And, quite frankly, there is a tremendous amount of strength and freedom in being able to speak your truth, isn’t there?
And while I am often in shock at what he says, I admire this trait in him and am working to be more direct in my own communication in many ways. Because I have discovered that most people would rather we generally say what we mean and mean what we say so that they don’t have to guess, wonder, probe, and investigate to discover what we really mean when we say something.
If you’re a DC I do have one bit of advice for you though…
It’s okay to say what you mean-and mean what you say, but try not to say it MEAN!
It’s okay to say what you mean-and mean what you say, but try not to say it MEAN!
Next time we meet Indirect Communicators! (That’s me!)
Comments 4
Rommel...I relate to Lucy! I think she is a Scorpio like me. Linus once asked her if she thought there is life on other planets. She replied "Absolutely not; if there were they would have contacted me by now." I agree with you 100%. Being kind and likeable is important and there are too many nice ways to say things without being hurtful. I also believe that you can judge a person by the way the treat a food server and how they deal with tangled Christmas lights.
Anne! Thanks for reading and sharing! Always so good to hear from you. I'm so bummed I missed connecting with you when I was in Dallas for the AAGD show a few weeks ago!
Rommel, why are your pieces the ones I'm instantly drawn to?! This is spot on and I can't wait to see part two! I'll learn a lot from it because I am most definitely a DC! But, like you pointed out, I realize that it is possible to be honest and considerate simultaneously. Sometimes I try to prepare people that don't know my DC style with a sort of "disclaimer." (Are you sure you want my honest opinion? You might not like what you're going to hear.)
The most unfortunate thing about being a DC is that people confuse our message as being harsh, negative or critical, when DC's generally view it as providing feedback in the hopes of helping/improving.
As George Carlin said:
"Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you're honest with them. Then you're an _______."
Hi Amy!! THANK YOU for your incredible kind words-and for reading and sharing! And you brought up a good point, being do often want your opinion until it's about them! (= I know I feel that way many times! But when an honest opinion is required, being as considerate as possible helps the person receive the information you're presenting without making you the villain. My newest post on "Indirect Communicators" (that's ME) is live now!