It sounds as if he/she is stumped.
For what it's worth, I had this scenario with one particular manager who was well-meaning, as you seem to think this manager is, she had people skills to a degree, but I learned that when she thought she was being challenged or wronged she would go ballistic. In fairness to the manager, I later learned some of these tenants were trying to push her around, were demanding and at times had quite the attitude.
The complaints I had from the tenants was that she was rude, but when they were asked for examples they couldn't define it. When I talked to the manager about it she made it seem as if these tenants were the type that just give everyone a hard time or were just trying to get their own way and pushing the staff around. I decided to have more of a presence for a while on that property until things calmed down or worked themselves out. Lo and behold one day I was walking up to the property office and I heard something that sounded like screeching and thought wow someone is getting it from their wife/mother/whoever. Turns out that "whoever" was my manager screaming at a tenant!
So let's fast forward. Whatever side of the fence you're on, we all know the ultimatum conversations never work out. Especially for those who don't get it. The approach I took was to ask her to think about why she was responding they way she did and did she think this was really the way it should be done. She acknowledged that her reactions weren't "ideal" but she just didn't know how to handle it. I asked her to think about someone that she admired - we all have someone like that - someone who she thought she could emulate when she got into those situations, who keeps their cool, and when she found herself getting into those situations to start thinking how would this person respond and just go with it.
And as far as my own two cents, I told her was when it gets like that, when the tenant is just trying to bounce you around, then you have to start talking to them as if they're 5th graders/you're talking to kids with simple lectures. Start acting like your cool icon. And just trust me on this: You will come out on top because you kept your cool. And the most important thing was you did was not give them any ammunition. I saw her do this with tenants who would come into the office and I have to admit that not only did she come of as in control but the tenant left feeling as if their issue was heard.
She kept working at this and was amazed at how empowered it made her feel that she was able to remain "in charge" without raising her voice or her blood pressure.
However, as far as ignoring the directive to not shut off utilities, if it were one of my managers that would be a big problem. I agree that this owner needs some training also in making sure instructions are understood and adhered to. If this person is new, now is the time to set the tone.
